Sand, sticks and smiles!

Sunday, 8.3.o8

We had another lovely day at the orphanage.  I believe the staff is much more relaxed on the weekends.  They don't seem as concerned about structure, or what we do, or where we go with the girls.  Lee took Nastya again and they played and played. The twins and I spent our morning primarily with Vika. She seemed happy and in a good mood  - I think I am making some connections with her.  When I went inside to get her she willingly took my hand and held it all the way to the playground area.  The last few visits we have ventured over to another area of the orphanage compound. There are a few pieces of nice, new equipment  - a slide and a seesaw -  the girls have lots of fun on these.  Today we (Daniel, Andrew, Vika and I) spent most of our time on this equipment and the pile of sand next to it.  There were other children from another building and groupa who shyly joined our play.  Eventually 2 of them had made their way into Daniel and Andrew's laps.  D and A played sand and sticks and held them and loved them too. Of course, I had our photo album with me, and spent quite a bit of time with their caretakers talking (as much as you can when all you have is a Russian phrase book and are absolutely ignorant of the language!).  I did eventually communicate how old Lee and I are, what our vocations are, where we are from and that I don't have a maid! (for some reason they wanted to know if I had a maid - I think most Ukrainians can't wrap their minds around someone actually having 5 children, wanting more, and being able to keep the house clean) Although, I can't say as I can claim a clean house! 

Once, when Vika was playing on the slide, she slipped at the bottom, and bumped her head. I don't think it hurt too bad - I think it scared her more than anything. But, anyway, she turned to me to hold her and love her - not for long, but a little bit.  That was huge to me.  Anyone who has read about attachment knows it is a good sign, first if your child will acknowledge pain, and then if they will actually seek you for comfort.  It was encouraging to me.  She is much different than Nastya - much more distant.  When she is afraid, unsure, or mad, she does this spitting thing and shakes her fist in the air at you.  In a way it is quite hilarious - Daniel can do a perfect imitation -  but obviously not appropriate and something we will not allow.   Today, I have been thinking a lot about her - I think she is timid and very afraid of new things, people, and situations. When she is in her comfort zone she is a different girl. I have observed her in her groupa - she is calm, expressive and communicative.  She understands and speaks perfect Russian.  She is obedient to her caregivers and actually is quite bossy and mothering of the other children at times.  I think when she is out of her comfort zone she is kind of like a  scared little kitten that lashes out because she doesn't know any different.  I know we will have lots of retraining to do with both girls.  You don't spend 4 or 5 years in an institution and come away without scars of some kind. 

Tonight (Sunday night), our facilitator returns. Tomorrow she will meet with the judge and hopefully set up our court date.  We hope it is early in the week! I will keep you posted.

Thanks for putting up with my rambling. Some pics from today...

 

Sam, Nastya and George are watching a movie together!

A fun day...

Saturday, 8.2.08

Well, after a day away from the orphanage (our driver was busy on Friday), we were back again today.  It was such a fun day.  I came armed with my Russian phrase book, a notebook, pen, and our photo album!  I have realized that when we show our family photo album to the caregivers, and they see we already have a daughter with Down Syndrome, and want to adopt more, it breaks through language barriers.  My goal for today was to try to spend time in the girls' groupas - to try to learn their little friends and caregivers names.  The twins helped me and we  had a great time.  We even got to take lots of pictures! We blew bubbles for the children played ring around the rosie, (in English and Russian, with help) and held and loved on as many as we could.  The children literally crowded around us - some openly asked for hugs and to be held, so we did!  I so wish you could be here with me.   Each of the girls' groupa has 8 children. Not all have Down Syndrome, but all or most I believe have some kind of special need.  I can't tell what all the needs are though. We have been told that most of the children at this orphanage are special needs.

At our SDA appt we were shown a file for another girl at our orphanage.  We knew the Lord was telling us to pick Nastya and not this little girl.  I have complete peace about that. Today, I am quite certain though, that I met her. In fact, I held her for a long time in my lap. She seemed so quiet and then every once in a while her somber face would giggle.  When I needed to go I put her down in her little chair.  I looked away to say thank you to the caregivers. When I looked down at her again, she was crying, tears streaming down her face - she wanted me to keep holding her. So, I held her tight again in my arms and cried along with her.   And then I had to leave her.

Lee spent the morning with Nastya and they had a great time together.  They played on the playground equipment and explored the orphanage grounds.  Lee said she wanted lots of hugs and made up a little game with him...she would walk all the way to one end of the orphanage grounds and then put her arms up for him to carry her back all the way to the beginning and do it all over again.  We have also worked a little bit with signs with her - she will imitate more and please.

I spent the morning first in Nastya's groupa outside, playing and talking and taking pictures, as  I mentioned earlier. (Lee and Nastya had gone off together) After that I went inside to find Vika and her groupa. Daniel and Andrew joined me and we played and took pictures of her friends as well. I think some of her groupa have been sick so that is why they have been inside the last few visits.  I asked each of the girls caregivers which children were Nastya and Vika's best little friends.  Nastya's  best friend is a dear little, blonde girl. I took a picture of her for Nastya. Vika's best little friend is Samson - kind of bittersweet for me.  But, I have taken many pictures of him and actually being with him and Vika and their groupa is good for my soul.  I hold him and love on him as much as I can.

I'm sorry I won't be able to post pictures of their groupas on my blog but here are some pics of our girls....

Every visit when we come, Nastya comes running at us with her arms open wide and gives us the biggest hugs!

 

Vika, on the other hand, still needs convincing, that its safe to come with us. She is always hesitant at first but at the end of every visit, she always wants to stay with us.  We will have our work cut out for us, with this stoic, little sweetie.

 

George explores Kharkov with the twins!

George on a really big soccer statue...

George doing what he does best...climbing all over some awesome play equipment with the twins!  Sam, you would love this place!

George, investigating the world's largest sand sculptures!

Be careful George, of all the soldiers!

(In the summer this main square in the center of Kharkov is covered with the most amazing sand sculptures. We are told, in the winter, they are replaced by huge ice sculptures.)

 

George sneaking into the orphanage!... 

Where are Nastya and Vika? He wants to swing with them!

Sam and Annie, stay tuned for more adventures of that mischievous little monkey!

Seesaw and a kitty...

Nastya got a haircut!   I think we'll have to work on the "girl" hairstyle after we get home!

 

Fun on the seesaw...

These are for you Annie!  Vika loves kitties. She cried when we had to take her away from the "koshka".

 

 

You gotta love the hair bow...it's amazing to us that she keeps it on!

Planes, Trains, Automobiles, ? and a business proposition. . .

 

By Lee:   This is for the men - any men out there reading this? 

        Getting around - something that we usually take for granted.  We hop in our car and GO!  Not exactly that easy in Ukraine.  First, we walk, a lot!  Which is good - because that is the best way to see things.

      We have used a variety of transportation since we arrived.   We have taken taxis, airplanes, subway and have a seen a whole bunch more.    I am surprised at the tremendous variety of cars - I was expecting to see lots of Soviet era cars - and there are - the Lada being my favorite.  I think that is going to be the first car I get the twins - because ownership of the car and learning to fix it seem to go hand in hand.  90% of the time - if there is a car broken down; it seems like it is an old Lada and the owner is working to fix it.

 

        You can't exactly read it - but the license plate in the center of the photo above has the tagline - "In God we Trust".   We are blessed with a great (and moderate) driver - but they do drive on sidewalk, compete with the trolleys and have their own form of traffic patterns here.  I am glad we are relying on someone else for the transportation.   By the way -some of the potholes are HUGE!  Swerving to avoid them is perfectly expected; why there are not more accidents - I will never know - it is a unique form of chaos.

        Other cars:  Subarus, Lexus, Mercedes, Audi, lots of small Fords & Chevys, Fiats, Seats, Citroen, Mazda, Nissan, Mitubishi, Toyota (lots of them. . . ) and I even saw a Suburban in Kiev.   There are many black Lexus GX480s - this must be one of the Ukrainian status symbols - big 4 wheel drive - similar to the Toyota Sequoia.   All I know is they must cost a lot of kopeks.  (4 to 5 kopeks = 1 penny).

         The boys and I have taken 2 subway rides - which are fun - but a bit challenging to read the signs and keep track of where you are at - we went to the train station one day and the XT3 tractor factory yesterday.    We are 2 for 2 on rides and NOT getting lost.  My simple advice to them when you don’t know where to go - follow the crowd - but don’t go through the turnstile.  Cost to ride the subway - 75 kopecks (about 17 cents).  It is a grand adventure.

         Now for the business proposition.   I had no idea - but apparently you are supposed to ground your car - providing a way for static that is generated when you drive (or maybe if you get hit by lightening) - to dissipate.    In my 4 years of engineering school and 2 years of grad school - I never learned that - but it is common knowledge here (at least if you drive an old car) - see photo. 

    I have arranged with Boris, Vladamir and Ivan to have 3 sea-container loads of these things delivered to Matts house - 60 day terms so we have to move them fast.   I was going to have it delivered to ours - but you have to be home to receive them - and he (hopefully will) agree to store them out on his street.  Anyway - there are 9 million in a container and we have 3 containers.    I am dividing up territories right now and we have plenty of good spots left - everywhere in the country.    To sign up - leave a post on the blog.    We need to educate America on the benefits of anti-stat strips- some cars have one, some two and I have seen as many as three on one vehicle.  I believe they also have agricultural application as well - so if you add in tractors, combines, farm trucks. . . just think of the potential!    Matt (& Laura) - hope you are both OK w/ this - they should be there sometime late next week.

      Just a fun post - we are here because we are being obedient to the calling that both Karen and I have re: these 2 kids.   One more day closer to bringing them home - can't wait!!       Lee

Day Six with the girls

7.29.08 @ 8 pm

We had a great day of visiting the girls today. After we arrived I went to find Vika. She was still in her bed – I couldn’t figure out if the orphanage workers were telling me if she was sick or just tired. She has been so quiet and non-smiling the last 2 visits I have been suspecting she wasn’t well. Nevertheless, she did want to go with me. I brought her back to Lee and the boys in the main foyer and then went to find Nastya. Nastya was with her little groupa, outside, up the hill, sitting under some trees. She is so affectionate. Now, whenever I come to get her, she comes running to me with her arms open wide.


After a bit of maneuvering we managed to get both girls outside. Vika’s group was also outside – only not up the hill, but close by to the building where there are a few pieces of decrepit play equipment. The weather was beautiful and we were glad to stay outside and play. Before long Vika made her way back to her groupa – I followed her. Nastya wanted to swing on the ancient swingset so Lee and the boys stayed with her. I am trying to familiarize myself with the children and workers in each of the girls groups and for now I have been focusing on Vika’s group. There were actually 2 groups out by the building today – Vika’s group and another one with smaller children. I went over by Vika and her group and the workers. They are very friendly, nice ladies. I have my Russian-English phrase book and attempted some primitive communication. They are such good sports. Eventually, with permission, I hope to take pictures of the girls’ friends (groupa) and their caregivers. So, as they grow older they will always have that as a remembrance of their childhood. I talked with the caregivers and attempted to interact with the other children as well. I also brought out my small photo album I have made of our family. I showed it to the caregivers. They were very interested in it. It was so fun to show them my other children, (especially Annie – everyone here is always amazed that we have an “invalid”, Russian term for special needs, child in our family and that we treat her just like all our other children). I also showed them photos of our house, the girls’ future room, our yard, etc…


Eventually Vika and 2 other little boys wanted to go back over to where Lee and Nastya and the twins were. So, we did. We all spent quite a while up the hill just a bit, in a shelter type building with benches and a small swing. Nastya, of course, wanted to swing most of the time. That girl could swing all day I think! (I believe her 2 favorite things in life are swinging and drinking from our water bottles) Vika just walked around holding our photo album. Samson was one of the little boys who came up with us. So, in the end we got to play with him too. He has a very crooked gait, but in spite of that he loved just running back and forth across the floor. When he smiles it goes from ear to ear!


After a while the caregivers came for the boys and we were left with just our girls. They wanted to go exploring down the path so we followed. Nastya went one direction – Daniel and I followed her. Vika went another direction – Lee and Andrew accompanied her. We spent the rest of the time with the girls separately. Nastya wanted to play on some other playground equipment so that is what we did. She has absolutely no fear of heights. In fact, she will climb up anything she can! And I mean anything! Vika, Lee and Andrew made their way behind another building, to a small swimming pool. She wanted to play with the water. In fact it was the first time in 3 days we’ve gotten her to smile. We have been told Vika loves the water and she loves to swim. That was quite obvious – it changed her demeanor completely. (As I said earlier, I don’t think she has felt well)

It is amazing to me how quickly, our girls have warmed up to us. They will both come running to be with us. They know when we come, it means they get attention and love and playing. Although, they do exhibit very typical orphanage behavior – whenever we give them a toy or book to look at, they quickly grab it, put it under their arm, run away to a place to be alone and try to look at it. They aren’t very open to us showing them toys or books. They pretty much want to take it and run. But, they have never known anything different. In an orphanage you always have to look out for yourself, even if you are only 3, 4 or 5 yrs. old. If you happen to have anything of value, (even if its temporary) you must fight all the other children to keep it. I see that. In preparation of this event I have read scads of books on adoption, attachment, and institutional behavior, etc…And now I am seeing it first hand – not just in my girls, but in all the children I am observing. I take every opportunity I have to observe my girls living situation. I believe they have kind caregivers but it is still an orphanage and not a family.

These visits are so necessary. Every time we come we build on our relationship and their trust of us a little more. It is interesting to me. Even though they have good caregivers, I don’t believe they have been held much. I don’t think any orphan has been held much. They obviously love to be with us and at the end of our visits, they never want to go. But, while we are visiting, they also do not want to be held or sometimes even touched. (There have been exceptions as you can see by the pictures) Nastya is at times, the exception here, as she sometimes will be very affectionate to us. The other day she went back and forth between Daniel and Andrew giving them hugs. That definitely melted their hearts.


I had an interesting conversation with our facilitator the other day. (Have I mentioned what a wonderful lady she is? We love her.) She asked me if I thought I could do it – take care of 2 more children with special needs. I told her honestly, sometimes I am incredibly overwhelmed at the thought. But, I know with certainty that if the Lord has called me to this, then He will provide what I need. I know, He doesn’t take us to hard places and leave us. He is always faithful.


My goodness that got a bit long. Sorry. Until next time, enjoy some pics!


Karen


Annie, David and Sam…I miss you and love you soooooooooooooooooo much!!! Sam, Curious George is busy having adventures here in Kharkov!!! Pictures will be coming soon! Love, Mom, Dad, Andrew and Daniel