Girls and phones...

Thursday, 8.08

It was raining today so we stayed inside with the girls.  It was actually kind of nice to be with them in a confined space.

When we first arrived at their building, we heard a little girl crying and recognized Nastya. She was with a caregiver in a room full of therapy equipment, balls, and mats and stuff.  I think she must have been having some kind of physical therapy.  Whatever it was she did not like it and was very upset.  I took her and held her. We thought we could take her and play then.  But instead the caregiver motioned to me to bring her  back to her room.  She started crying again.  The workers just babbled on and on in Russian like I should know what was going on.  In the end, I guess it was time for her to have a potty break and get new clothes and get her hair fixed.  It took at least 15 minutes to go through all that.  Finally, they let me take her.  She was thrilled to be released and quickly went upstairs with Lee and the boys to play. 

Daniel and Nastya had a fun game of peekaboo through the curtain until Nastya decided it might be fun to bite his cheek!  Ouch!

 

After I got Nastya settled, I went to look for Vika.  She was happy to see me and I immediately picked her up and expected I could leave.  But then, her caregivers started rattling off all kinds of Russian instructions to me as well.  I had no clue what they were saying but it was obvious I could not take her. Then they told her something and took her from me. She started sobbing.  Well, in the end, after they took her clothes off and started running water I figured out it was bath day!  She was not happy but finally settled down while they washed her.  The bathing room is a  tiny little cubicle with a shower like stall and a huge bucket sitting on the floor. Basically, the children sit in the bucket while the workers scrub them clean. So, when she was bathing I went into the other room to be with her groupa.  I know them all well by now.  I looked up bath in my phrase book and we talked about taking a bath.  It was obvious some were happy about bath time and some cried when it was their turn.  As I have mentioned before Samson is in that group so whenever I am with them I take advantage of that and love him up too.  Finally though, Vika was done and clean and after putting the sweetest little scarf on her head, they let her go.  We went upstairs to join the rest and play!

Drinking and talking on the phone at the same time - great multi-tasking!

  After the cheek biting incident and a few tears were shed by both Nastya and Daniel, Vika scooted over to Daniel and briefly put her arm around him.  It was sooo sweet.  She is usually not affectionate towards the boys much at all yet.  I think Daniel thought a cheek bite might be worth it to get a love from Vika!

Our visits...

...to our girls are getting better and harder...

Nastya and Vika are becoming more and more comfortable with us. The weather has been so nice - we have spent every day this last week outside with them.

When we first come to meet them, Nastya will always run to hug me but then she is off to play with Lee on the playset or just run and explore. She is definitely a Daddy's girl. In fact at times, she will push me away. I am not too worried about that though, because I know once we are home and Lee is back at work, we will have plenty of bonding time together. She is actually too big for me to carry for long, but Lee can do it fine. She basically wants to run or climb the entire time! If you see any pics outside with one of us beside her - it means she has stopped long enough for a picture - that is a near miracle! Although, on a rare occasion she will just go and sit inside the orphanage doorway - always on the same couch, and look at a few books. Not for long though, and then she is off again!

Nastya Signing "More"

For the most part, I have been accompanying Vika. During the last 3 visits we have spent almost the entire time with her on a swing and me pushing. It is good - she is relaxed. I sit in front of her on the ground. I think she is learning to trust me a little bit. I and sometimes the twins will sing her little songs and a couple times she even sang a little Russian song back to me. She will now let me carry her at times as well, which I like because then she is physically close to me. She is not comfortable with Lee at all yet and is cautious with the boys as well. She will often do her spitting or fist shaking at them. But I have noticed lately when I tell her "nyet (no) spitting" she smiles and laughs so at least I know now it is sometimes just a game and not always done out of fear or anger. Either way, she will have to unlearn that little endearing habit. I am no expert when it comes to attachment but I am sensing her attachment will be to me first and then with time, as she feels comfortable and safe with Lee and the boys, she can attach to them as well. She is really a very timid little girl, until she is comfortable in her surroundings and then she is Miss Bossy. Hmmmmmm....sounds like another little girl in my household I love!

Vika's Greeting Yesterday

So, our visits have settled into a pattern of sorts. I take Vika and Lee takes Nastya. The twins go back and forth between us and sometimes we are all together for short periods of time. I am wondering though, readers, if you have any thoughts or insight into all of this? Is this an ok way to be doing it? Being outside and playing is wonderful but it is very hard to keep them together and we almost always have to split up. Once we have the girls and are back at our apartment for a few days then we can work more on being together. And obviously, once we are home, we will as well!

Now, the harder part of our visits...is saying goodbye! As Lee mentioned in an earlier post, this is especially painful for Nastya. When we tell her "Mama, Papa - paka, paka,"(bye, bye) she fights us all the way back to her room and groupa. Then she starts sobbing, buries her head in her hands and basically just shuts down. Some of the caregivers are sympathetic and try to comfort her and some not so much. The time we leave is always her lunch time - at times she will refuse to eat and I know she retreats into her own little world and then sucks her thumb. For us, this is so hard to see. I know that when we come to get her, there will be no looking back for her! Even now, she constantly wants to go out of the orphanage gate.

When saying goodbye to Vika, she is not quite so emotional but I can see it is becoming harder for her too. Although she can often be distracted with the orphanage doll stroller or since it usually lunch time she can be convinced to sit down for lunch as she loves to eat! I have observed her often with her caregivers and I believe she has close relationships with several of them. I think it will be hard for her to say goodbye to them and vice-versa. Although, I know they are very happy to see her and Nastya be adopted and have a family!

(Hey, do me a favor, leave me a comment if you can or can't view the videos. It is the first time we've published a video on our blog. Lee can view them on his computer. I can't. I wonder if the rest of you can?)

We have a court date!

Monday, August 11th, is our court date!

You have no idea what a miracle this is!

As we mentioned in previous posts, pinning down a court date was becoming more and more difficult.

As of early this morning, things looked very bleak...our facilitator was looking at a situation where we might not get a court date until late August or early September!   We were all feeling very discouraged.

But, our amazing Lord used our amazing facilitator to show His sovereignty over some very difficult officials and the entire situation!

Later in the  morning at the courthouse, a series of events "fell" into place.  Our facilitator was able to work out the situation for us to have our court date this Monday!  We will still have our 10 day wait after that before we can pick up the girls.  And of course, after that there will be time needed to get the girls new birth certificates, passports, visas, health exams etc...  So, if anyone happens to be doing the math and looking at a calendar...all that might put us home a few days later than our previously set return date of Aug. 23. Now, if you happen to be reading this and you are one of the dear souls watching our children in the states, please don't panic...  We are coming home!  But we might have to make arrangements for a bit of a later date.  Next week, after court, we will hopefully have a better feel for the timing of our last couple weeks and then be able to set our new tentative return date.  Thank you so much for praying  on this for us.  It really is a miracle how it has worked out!

Things Break, Fun, Serious and Factual

A post from Lee - with 4 points.

We are going through a period where lots of things are breaking (or broken).   

1.)  Things that are broken -

a) Blackberry - I had a call from Verizon tonight.   The official word (after 10 days of not working) - is that the Vodaphone engineers here have no idea why it isn't working.

b) during the storm today - two exterior windows broke in our apartment (unsure why -if it was wind or something else).

c) tonight - our hot water heater quit - it is adjacent to the stove and the stove works fine - but no gas is getting to it - so can't light the pilot (no hot water either - tankless)

d.) Since arriving - I have replaced 6 light bulbs, fixed the bathroom door and fixed the tub faucet handle - which fell off.

We are hoping for better days ahead. 

2.) Fun - Nastya went swimming today when we were at the orphanage.   They have a small pool - maybe 1' of water and 12 feet in diameter.   Swimming is done in birthday suits - so the photos had to be discrete.   Nastya had so much fun splashing.   Anne and these two are going to be a hoot in the bathtub.

The workers helped them with their swimming too.  

It was a hot day - maybe 90 degrees, so the water felt good.   In the afternoon - we had our first thunderstorm while in Kharkov.    All of us rode the Metro to Fox-Mart.   I thought it was going to be a department store; and I was sadly mistaken (snicker, snicker) - it was much more like a Best Buy - however; the only purchases made were a pack of CD Rs and single French Press coffee maker for Karen.

 

Vika was not able to swim - we think it may have been due to several in her group having colds.   She enjoyed Karen and swinging today.    Both girls will show us affection.   One of the harder things each day is saying good-bye.   Neither wants us to leave.   Nastya will generally put her face in her hands and cry and Vika will also fuss when it is time for us to go.   We always remind them zaftra - tomorrow - we'll be back.  

3.) Serious  We have hit somewhat of a snag in our adoption.  I think over half of the elements are done - but one milestone is having the court hearing.   Karens post yesterday indicated that there was a criminal trial - which was consuming much of the judges time.   Also, there is a new chairman (head judge) and things seem to be reverting back to a 'by the book' approach - where before there was a much more relaxed and cooperative approach.  They average just a few international adoptions / year from this particular orphanage; so this does not appear to be high on the courts' priority list.   Specifically, pray that calendars will clear, our case will rise to the top of a list and that we can get the court date set and the case heard with minimal delays.   We have a judge assigned (as of last Thurs) and they are supposed to provide a date for court in 5 days.  Our facilitator continues to  work on many other avenues and options - but right now - we are waiting.

     We were hoping to have court early this week and begin the 10 day waiting period.   Best case scenario is maybe be in court late this week.    We are hoping for a miracle here.  Worst case would be next week ~ Here is where it is hard to not get frustrated and discouraged - but we just continue to trust - as we have from the beginning of the journey that everything happens when God plans it to happen.

4) Facts (maybe observations is a better word)

Observations about Ukraine that make it a unique and endearing place.

- the streets and sidewalks are swept every morning.

- the women (generally) are dressed to the nines; often guys can pretty much get by with  jeans or shorts, T shirts and sandals.

- I am guessing that 90% of the population smokes.

- EVERYONE carries a bag; could be a grocery bag or store bag; but no matter where you go, carry a bag.

- Stores charge for shopping bags (good idea America) and most people reuse.

- Europe is now wearing shorts - this was not the case when we were here 15 years ago.

- For a country that has been a democracy for less than 20 years (and the first 15 hardly count) - they have come a LONG ways. 

- Cell phones are everywhere; who are all these people talking to?

- I have been asked for directions, a light and the time on multiple occasions - making me wonder - do I look Ukrainian?

- The toilet paper has real wood chunks in it!  It is a slightly thinner version of the brown paper fold towels we all had in school.

- We don't understand Ukrainian cartoons.

- They get kind of grumpy if you don't have exact change - even if you have to paw through your pockets while the line backs up behind you.  I have learned this the hard way a few times; and also when the smallest denomination is 1/5th of a cent - you can get a lot of change in a hurry.

- Rubber stamps are used on lots of things, receipts, money exchanges. . .

- Coca Cola says on it 100% CMAKY - we are trying to figure out what CMAKY is - stay tuned.

- Buying something can be a multi-step process.  You select an item, get a ticket, pay the ticket, go to another station, get the merchandise, inspect the merchandise,  package the merchandise, remove from store.   And in the case of Karen's French Press - nearly trip over the threshold and drop and break the merchandise.

Daniels Contributions:

- Cars park on the sidewalks.

- There are a lot of busses.

- Billboards that change (rotate through 2 or 3 messages)

- Many, many pigeons.

- To cross some streets - you go underground where there is a mini-shopping area.

Overall, we are having a very enjoyable time, taking in as much as we can and just waiting for the final rubber stamp to fall!!

Lee

The Adoption process...

So, this is where we are at right now... apparently the judge who was assigned our case was also assigned a very significant criminal case just this morning.  So, the schedule at the courthouse is very tight right now. And also, because of the presence of a new head judge and several new underling judges (my word for them) we are told the courthouse is basically in a big flutter right now...aka  a mess.  So far we are having some difficulty pinning down a court date. Thank you for praying on this for us.   I know it will happen just when the Lord wants it to happen.  We just need to be patient, don't we? In case you hadn't noticed though, Lord, we are ready to get this thing moving! :)

A typical day...

First, let me say that we have had many days that aren't typical! Especially at the beginning - there were several days we sat in the van all day, while our facilitator went into countless government offices, returning only for our signatures here and there.  Both boys made good use of their sansas, gameboys and movie player on those days!  But, now for the last week, and again after court, during the 10 day waiting period we will have pretty relaxed days filled with trips to the orphanage in the morning  and adventures here in Kharkov in the afternoon and evening.

Our days start very early, with Lee (and sometimes myself) heading off to take care of internet business.  We have finally found a reliable source of wireless internet  - its about a 20 minute walk from here  - at one of the most expensive hotels (probably the most expensive! ), in the city.  The wireless is free, except the cost of coffee or tea or whatever we order to justify sitting in their lounge, borrowing  their internet.    It works and we are thankful for it.

Our driver is at the door of our apartment by 9:30 am.  Our facilitator knows this man well - she trusts him and he is a very good man. He is not a taxi and we pay by the hour.  It costs us about $35 USD to visit the girls every morning.  The orphanage is outside the city in what they call the suburbs of Kharkov.  it takes us between 30 to 45 minutes to get there (depends on how fast he drives, which route he chooses, and how many stops he needs to make!)

I love the drive out there.  We definitely leave the city behind and enter the country side - yet not as far as the farmland.  It stays wooded all the way to our orphanage.  And then we enter what they call a suburb.  But, It is unlike any suburb I've ever seen in the states.  Picture rows and rows of quaint, brick, cottage - like bungalows, hidden behind  fences; yards full of  gardens, fruit trees, flowers and sheds - that is what this suburb looks like.   I would love to step inside one of these homes.

 

The orphanage itself is much like a compound - it  covers at least 2 or 3 acres - bordered by a brightly painted iron fence.  There are several buildings housing at least 100 children total.  We were told the orphanage dates to at least pre-world war II. Some of the buildings are obviously even older than that.  There is an orchard - which is where the children will sometimes spend their outdoor time - sitting in little chairs with their caretakers under the trees (more about this in a later post), flowers planted in numerous places and a small garden full of beets and cabbage of course! (the main ingredients for borsch of course)  There are numerous paths connecting the buildings and play areas.  With the exception of one large wonderful playset, and a few small new pieces, most of the play equipment is very old and very dangerous!   But, ironically, the children hardly ever get to play on any of it anyway. (more on that later too) The buildings themselves are in various states of condition.  I am not meaning to make it sound like a resort.  It is an orphanage  - it is a poor orphanage.  In the region, it is the main orphanage where most children with special needs are sent too.   It has the reputation for "invalids" - the Ukrainian/Russian word for special needs or handicapped.  I have asked and very few children are  adopted from this place.   For the most part, these are the children that no one wants.

 

 

So, we get to spend our mornings playing with our dear little the girls and then we head back into Kharkov for the rest of the day.  

Sometimes in the afternoon, we all go out for a walk and exploring, sometimes just Lee and the boys. (I don't mind hanging out all by myself at the apartment - any mother of multiple children knows when to take advantage of "alone" time!)  We have all been down to the central market where you can get anything from pig intestines to kleenex to car parts!  Lee and the boys have taken the metro (subway) several times for an adventure and have visited  the outside of the Xt3 tractor factory (a massive complex of factories that supplies tractors to much of Eastern Europe), the Kharkov train station, and a  large amusement park.   In the evenings we either go for a short walk again or just hang out here in the apartment.  We brought several books, movies and games.  Right now the twins favorite games to play are UNO, Scrabble and Authors.   That's it for a typical day!

Our apartment in Kharkov...

Sue, this is for you.  I know you are knee deep in wedding flowers but if you ever come up for a breather, maybe you will enjoy this post....We have a great, big apartment here in Kharkov.  As you can tell from the pics it's in a very old building.  Apparently when they renovate and fix up apartments in Ukraine, maintaining and fixing up the front door and hallway is an afterthought...when we first stepped in the front door we really wondered what we were getting into!  After hauling our luggage up 3 flights of stairs we soon found out.  This is quite a place!  Picture yourself stepping back in time to the Soviet Union, 1950's era, post-war opulence mixed with 80's and 90's updating, and you will know you are at our place! (actually, there wasn't much left of Kharkov after the war so probably not much opulence, but it seemed a good descriptive word) It's quite a place - crystal chandeliers, faded satin curtains, ornate woodwork, coffered ceilings, dated (but elegant) wall paper, hardwood parquet floors, and of course the biggest, most ostentatious bed you can imagine - we have all dubbed it the Czars' Bed. There are 3 bedrooms -so there is plenty of room to share our place with our facilitator when she is in town with us.  The bathroom is bigger than any of mine at home and has a huge tub - can't wait to see Vika and Nastya swimming in it! Best of all there is a clothes washer! That is such a blessing. The twins have their own room with an attached balcony with a clothes line for drying the laundry.  There is a small kitchen with a refrigerator and great little gas stove.  I have had to buy a decent frying pan, spatula, peeler and cutting board but that is all.  We are eating most of our meals here to cut back on expenses.  There are numerous small markets covering our neighborhood and there is a large supermarket about 20 minutes walk. We can get just about anything we need there.  The biggest challenge is water.  We have been advised to not drink, cook, or brush our teeth with the tap water.  And with 4 people you go through a lot of water! So, obtaining water is a daily event. Shopping for food is amusing when you can't read anything.  We try to stick with the obvious fruit, bread, cheese, meat, milk, cookies, everything else we look at the pictures and guess!  Tonight I made meatballs with some kind of spice that looked like vegetable seasoning or something. We survived it.

Ok, enough  boring info, here's a few pics...

 

Me, pretending to make borsch... 

Seriously, I know how to cook soup (maybe not borsch!)at home in my own kitchen. But here it is a different story. I can't read the labels on any spice or herb packets so I try to go by the pictures.  I will have to figure it out soon, or see if someone sells canned soup.  At the orphanage, the girls have soup and bread every single day for lunch. And have probably had that every single day for their entire lives.

 

Boys, looking out the kitchen window...

One very large tub, waiting for 2 little girls!!!...

(the tub is full of water as we were told one day last week, we might lose water. We needed to have water on hand for flushing toilets.  Our facilitator told us, "These things happen in Ukraine." It never did, so far.

 

The boys room...

"Bed Wars"

 

Looking out the twins window...

(this city is sooo green, there are trees and flowers and little gardens tucked everywhere!)

 

And of course, last but not least...The Czars' Bed.

Sorry for the silliness of this post. :)