Emotions...

(written Saturday PM, August 16)

I'm not sure where to start this post.  Its been an emotional day. 

This morning we had the privilege of meeting Vika's birth mother and father and maternal grandmother and grandfather.  I believe this is a rare occurrence in international adoptions and as Vika's new mother I view it as a precious gift. I had not blogged about the possibility of it happening, because (knowing Ukrainian adoption unpredictability) I wasn't sure it was going to happen until they were standing right there in front of us. 

Truthfully, it is quite a miracle that we have been able to adopt Vika!  Last winter after learning of her on Reeces Rainbow and committing to her for adoption, we soon discovered she was visited by her mother. (which at the time seemed a good thing and I was immediately hopeful we could meet her).   Then, when we learned she was visited regularly by many relatives - grandmothers, aunts, etc...some fears about what this could do to our adoption surfaced.  In Ukrainian orphanages, family visitation can actually complicate adoption.  What we learned today filled in a lot of missing pieces that we now know have been orchestrated by the Lord alone. From the beginning, He meant this girl to be ours.

First off, let me encourage you to never think badly of the mothers who leave their special needs babies at the delivery houses.  Many love their children dearly, but in Ukraine there is no social system or framework to  help these new mothers take care of a baby with special needs.  For anyone who chooses to keep their baby, there is no therapy, no early intervention and no education for their child. There is nothing. For the most part the mother is alone. Furthermore, there is no public future here for a child with special needs.  Someday I hope  it changes but for now they are looked down upon by the majority of society.

In Vika's case, she was left at the delivery house, but not "abandoned"  - her parents gave up their parental rights, recognizing their inability to care for a child with such challenges.  This action they voluntarily took, gave them the option of renewing their parental rights as soon as they began establishing and maintaining contact with her at the orphanage.

Vika is now 5. Sometime after the age of 1 yr, her "Baba" (Grandma) began visiting her. All on her own, without support from the rest of the family, Baba would take a bus out to the orphanage to visit her dear granddaughter.  Soon after, Vika's birth mother and other grandmother began visiting as well.  More family visits followed.  It was obvious to us today that they love her very much and she loves them.  During our visit, Baba held her tightly and so did her Grandpa.

This past spring, when they learned that Vika had a family who wanted to adopt her, her birth parents  researched the options for life in Ukraine for their little girl with Down Syndrome.  We are told they even visited one of the mental institutions. They were appalled and horrified at what lay ahead for her.

So, although they love their little girl deeply, they knew they were unable to take care of her and chose to take actions and sign papers for us that made the process of adopting Vika possible.  They could have easily stopped the entire process - even as late as last week.  But, they didn't.

Meeting them today today is what I have prayed for months and yet it was difficult . The mother cried, the grandmother cried, and I cried.    They willingly shared they were happy and thankful Vika will now have a family that can take care of her and a future and yet I know in their hearts it is an incredibly painful thing to see their little girl go.  What do you even say to a mother that has given up her only daughter to you? I thanked  her for sharing the life of her daughter with us and  told her, that we believe Vika is a gift from the Lord to us.   We will always love her and take care of her.  We are so thankful for Anne to have a sister. And we view her as a great blessing to our family. 

I also spent some time asking some questions about their family.  Vika has some kind of allergy that has not been identified yet but periodically she breaks out in a rash all over her body. They said they were told it was due to red fruits, veggies and some sugars(aka candy).  Don't know about that one. I am anxious to have her see an allergist back in the USA. They also shared that Vika is terrified of cars etc...Oh great!  I can hardly wait to test that one out - if she's afraid of cars, I can't imagine how she'll react to 12+ hours in airplanes interspersed with terrifying mad dashes through incredibly crowded airports! We also took pictures and exchanged some gifts.  We arranged a method of sending them pictures of Vika - this was a great desire on the birth mother's  part and mine as well.  I am thrilled to be able to keep them updated as Vika grows and develops.

After spending an hour and half together we left them to say goodbye to Vika alone, without us.  We didn't see them part, but our facilitator said it was very difficult.  I know they are at peace with their decision but  grief runs deep  - especially in a mother and grandmothers heart. I don't know how you deal with saying goodbye to your little girl for the last time.

Vika -  sitting with her birth mother...

Vika and her Grandpa...

Vika and her Baba.

We spent the remainder of our time at the orphanage this morning with Nastya.  As far as Nastyas' parents go; she was left at the delivery house for babies and in due course, parental rights were terminated.   She was never visited by family or friends. We will likely never know anything other than the information contained on her birth certificate - her parents names.    At the right time, we will be prepared to tell Nastya that her parents loved her very much but could not take care of her.  So, they gave her to the orphanage to take care of for us, until we could come and get her!   The Lord has known all along that she was meant to be ours as well! She is definitely our unexpected Ukrainian gift!

After returning to our aparment, Lee and the boys headed out to the Kharkov amusement park for the afternoon.(see previous post) Our facilitator and I stayed home, rested, chatted and had a nice, quiet afternoon.

And then, just  as my morning began with a tumult of emotions, it ended with them as well.  We finally had the opportunity to try out Skype (including webcam) with our friends, the G's and our little Annie.  It was sooooo good to see her pretty, pony-tailed little face and hear her sweet little voice.  Thank you Kelsey for getting it organized!  The twins sang her songs and she sang back to us.  I was fine during our time on line but then as soon as saying goodbye, this mother cried again.  It hit me how much I miss Annie. I miss all of my children -David and Sam too.  I'm homesick. I want to bring my 2 little girls home and be with my 3rd little girl and my family in my yellow house on the corner.  I want to be done here.

Thank you for praying for us.  It feels long.  We are still waiting for the girls new social security codes [3-5 business days - Monday is day4] and our facilitator does not have the info she needs yet for Nastyas passport (but she is hopeful she can get it Monday).  After the codes come, then we apply for passports which can come quickly or not...

I know the Lord knows what He's doing.  But, I wouldn't mind though if He hurried it all up a bit.  :)